Acer 9 alhmar’s Weblog

EVERYBODY’S CHANGING – from August 14, 2006 May 29, 2011

i was listening to this very beautiful keane song and it reminded me how true it is that the only certain thing in life is death and CHANGE.

so much things has happened in the last 5 weeks and if you ask me 6 weeks ago (while my mom was confined in the hospital due to pre-stroke symptoms) if i saw this all coming…hell, no!

6 weeks ago, my family was in deep shit financially but i was madly in love with someone that made my life difficult but happy at the same time…i was also convinced that for the first time in many years, i’m sure with what i want and my life’s heading the right direction…i just came off a big change in my life half a year ago…i didn’t need, want, and welcome another change…i was content.

first, the positive change…for the last 5 weeks, my family suddenly has (almost) enough money to start paying our debts and loans, repaint our gate and fence, buy a laptop, have complete meds for my mom, send my brother to painting school, pay our bills on time,…i’m not used to this kind of situation for the last 4 years.

ironically, the main source of the problem became the quick-fix solution…my father’s gambling. but i also have to credit him for his sudden change of attitude towards work and vices. it took my mom’s health scare to wake him up but maybe, faith really has their own way of putting things into places. 

then, the other side…for the last 5 weeks, i’ve lost the person that changed everything in my life since 2006 started and have to deal with it. dealing with it involved a lot of painful realizations about myself and pride swallowing…but it also resulted to some things that could be positive in the end –>

knowing that you can’t really trust your heart all the time…

re-connecting with a person who’s always been on my side, whether as a friend or more than that…

closure of an issue that has haunted me for the last 4 years…

trying out something that i always wanted to do but didn’t have the guts and confidence to pursue…it’s being a part of a band, working hard to improve my vocals and rhythm guitar playing, as well as learning to play a percussion box…

realizing that i have many friends (especially alden, chinit, and len) who’s been there for more than 5 years already and that will still be there for you to share their precious time and patience when you truly need it…they are definitely not just there for the fun times…

losing more weight. extreme loneliness beats diet, pills, exercise,…i’m down to 155 from 167 six weeks ago and 185 when the year started…

learning how to cope…with uncertainty. no matter how much you thought everything’s in place the way you hoped for, something will happen that will get you off-track. and when that happens, you always seem to be unprepared for it.